Monday, August 06, 2007

It starts all over again.

That's right, it's back to school again. Back to the grind. And throughout the whole summer (all 4 weeks of it) I have built up in my mind to what might be one of the worst days of my life. I tossed and turned all through last week, woke up in the middle of the night worried with fear, anxious racing thoughts throughout the day. It was horrible.

This morning I woke up, felt my heart and it was beating fast. Got ready to go, jumped in my car, played some calm music, and drove up to the center. My heart was racing, faster and faster until I got in and realized it wasn't as bad as I had thought.

I walked down the hall and everything was the same (except for the "new" dingy blue carpet). The walls were repainted and bare. No one was there except me and my thoughts. And I didn't feel that pains and anxiety I was feeling before. I was glad I showed up first and had some time to get my bearings. People smiled at me and welcomed me back. A few were surprised that I had. And admittedly, I was too. I tried all summer to try and find a new position, and the only ones who wanted me were China and Bahrain. No thanks.

To my surprise I was granted a classroom! My very own classroom. Turns out that it meant I also had to move all my stuff, and every one's stuff as well. I can do things my way. I will have more control over what happens in this room. I will have control over the supplies, and I'll finally (maybe) get organized!

There weren't too many other surprises, but I sense a fresh start. It doesn't mean that I'm not looking to leave, but it sure makes it easier to want to at least feel good about a new school year starting.

So that's my optimistic view for today. It doesn't come around often!

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