At least it's over. I think that's all I can say about this school year. I will be done dealing with all of it in a few weeks. I'm sad to say that the kids didn't really care about the end of the year. And I know why. I mean would you care if you were in there? No.
I feel like even if the kids are in there, they need some kind of closing, and it really wasn't given to them. I tried by giving out awards to them individually (which seemed rather meaningless), and making chocolate chip cookies (never meaningless). But it was all for not. They're missing all these kinds of things from not being in school and the "outside". And meaningless or not, they need to understand certain things do matter, and are important. They completed something. For some kids it was a few months of school after not being in school for the same amount of time or more. For some kids it was completing a drawing. They need something to hold on to, so they at least know they can finish something.
This year was a huge test for me. I have second guessed everything I've ever done as a teacher and have wanted to really throw in the towel. But I learned it wasn't the kids that made me feel that way. It was the adults. I came in contact with all these ferocious adults who didn't care but craved their own kind of attention and power. For them it wasn't about helping the kids, it was about showing them who had the power to punish. Which really really tears at me. That's not at all what they need. They need compassionate people who are consistent and helping them see the choices that they could be making.
I like to think that I am that way, but I have to figure out a way to not give those looney adults the chance to show that kind of negative attention to the kids. One of those things could possibly be having my own classroom. A kid said to me today," This isn't your classroom." And I said," It is when I am in here." But that's how everyone seems to act. Since it is a unit, and where they hang out , that's how it's treated. However, I have to say, maybe I let it happen that way. But it's a year of adjustment. Now I know how the horrible adults are, and how the kids are. So next year should be better. (only one more though-- I'm planning an escape..as I keep saying)
So even though the day lacked luster, I'm just going to toast myself to a year well managed. I made it through the darkest hour......... And I thought Egypt was bad (and it was). Apparently I must have gained strength from living there.
So here's to another school year. It really can only improve. I'm going to go crack open a bottle of wine, appear to be working for the next 2 and 1/2 weeks, and be glad that I can at least have a month without the interference of strange people in my life.
Scary.. just heard thunder crack. I just hope that means it brings good rain. We need some relief. I'll take good fortune too.
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