From one end of Alexandria to the other.

Well, I'm really not enjoying this whole commuting thing. I just can't do it anymore. It's physically demanding, and really putting a lot of stress on the system. I know people do this everyday of their lives, for years. They may even drive more hours. I just can't do it anymore. It's taking away so much of my life, and I'm just wrecked. I'm not even driving it everyday. I stay at friends houses that are closer in. One friend's house is only about 10 minutes away. Hardly a commute at all! Everyone has been so helpful, but I just need my own space, my own area to enjoy. Time to do the things I like to do and not feeling worn out.

I think part of the reason I've felt that way was because I was sick this week. Not feeling good at all, the stress from the people I work with. It's just all too much. It's not like I have an office job where I can just close the door and work during the day, and then leave for a nice leisurely lunch. I interact with people all day long (which I like a lot). It just takes a lot.

So, I decided on Monday that I would start looking again for apartments. Just on a whim. But the more I looked, the more I realized that there was a lot open for me. There were lots of spaces that were unappealing (great private apartment in family home... NO thanks.. been there, done that). However, I found many spaces that I thought I would be able to live in and wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg. So I have investigated a few, and I think I may move into one of them.

The space is a studio, not my first choice, but it's close to a lot of things that I like. For instance, the waterfront in Alexandria, Old Town, and the Mount Vernon bike path. It's in my range, and I think I could actually still save a bundle. So I might go again and look at it on Monday and put my application in. It's pretty basic, but has nice wood floors, good light (on the third floor). Seems quite. Has a separate area for dining, a separate kitchen, and one bigger living area. Small bathroom, and a huge closet.

We'll see. I hope it works out. I just want to be able to do the things I like. I've put about 10,000 miles on my car in the last few months. And it wasn't even to go on a trip anywhere. Just to get to and from work. That's just sad.

addicted to coughing

Admit it, there is something good about coughing, you're getting something out of your system. And for a brief moment you may not even be breathing, but it's kind of euphoric. You have a sharp pain in your ribcage, but once it's released it feels kind of good. It seems sad that I think that coughing, and on the verge of having bronchitis might be fun. But today I think it was kind of helpful. Students responded to me better when they realized that I was wheezing. They were helpful and considerate. I'm no dumby! Come to school sick and you'll be taken care of. People will ask you how you are, offer you advice and often feel bad for you. It's a Pavlov thing, conditioning and all. I guess I must look pretty sick too.. Which isn't so nice, but oh well. Nothing I can do about that at this point. All I can hope for is some decent sleep.

And just like any day, it will be unpredictable tomorrow. No classes....again, I'm getting sick of this, actually. Just when I think I'm getting on a roll, we get a broomstick jammed into our bicycle wheel and go over our handle bars. I hate the unpredictability of working where I do, but I enjoy the teaching I'm doing. The students I'm working with as well. It's so unfortunate that this school program has a leader that doesn't want to lead, but dictate. There is no real reason for us not to have classes tomorrow, and she might actually think she's doing us a favor. In all actuality, she's not. It's putting us all behind, and giving us a bad reputation.

Like anything else, I need to roll with it. That's the theme of this year, my friends. I have finally learned to roll with it. I guess that's what I learned from my experience in Egypt. You just have to let life take it's course. You'll get derailed, and there will be an extreme amount of imbalance in most cases, but go with it. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it all this time.

So, yes, I'm on drugs right now, and I may seem a little flighty with this post, but it's all good. I will have only a few more days of this coughing binge and it will be back to normal, unless bronchitis rears it's ugly head, in which case I will curse this post.

Tomorrow's Friday, and for those of you that Friday actually means something -- I hope you enjoy it! Because we made it through another grueling week.

This area has more radio stations than anywhere else I've ever lived. They're all completely horrible. I hate them all. And what makes it worse, is that I can't even use my handy-dandy Ipod device to listen to the music I want to. You know, the one that finds a frequency so you can enjoy some music you actually want to hear? Well, it doesn't work. So I guess I'll just have to break down and buy the Ipod accessory that plugs into what used to be the lighter. I'll live, it will be ok, but this area recently got rid of it's only classical station to have another 7o's/80's/whatever station... their tagline even says,"It's like listenting to a bunch of mixed up Ipods." Not my Ipod. I listened to this station on my way home...not the whole way, and they played Heart, Roxette, and umm.... oh, I remember Blondie (I can actually deal with them). But this area needs a good station. I don't know why we don't have one. 99.1 used to be the "alternative" station in the 90's, and then it went more towards really bad rock, and now it's Spanish music! Who knew? Clear Channel has taken all our airwaves over, and we're left with nothing. But I guess that's why we have the Ipod. Thank god.

just a few things

- Officially no Hillary or Obama (but you all know it's coming soon)

- It's snowing today (but I'm sure I'll have to go down to Alexandria tomorrow anyway because they'll never call off-- not even a delay)

- "Steppin' Stone" by the Monkees (Haven't heard in a while, but today I heard it on the radio and I love it. It's an awesome song. Especially the end... Patty, you know what I'm talk' 'bout... yeah ya do!)

- I just destroyed a painting I half-finished. (But I don't feel bad about it because it sucked. I'm gessoing over it, and starting again.)

- My throat hurts. (It's not good... I know what this means)

- Going down to the NGA this week to enjoy some art (It's so much better when no tourists are there.)

Another Candidate

Bill Richardson is now in the running, we all thought that would happen too (when I lived in NM), and actually I don't thinks that he's half-bad. He came in to New Mexico and changed a lot of things, he has an international background, can speak well, can actually do things. He's actually is pretty diverse and well-rounded, and having lived in a state with him as a governor, I know a little more about him. We were happy for the change, because the loser before him was a horrible Republican that failed everyone, all that guy seemed to want to do is smoke pot and run in marathons and the Iron Man.. that doesn't even make sense. But that is what he was like.... I can't even think of his name right now... governor....Mr... oh, I can't remember Gary? Somebody? We were happy to have Richardson. He's tried to bring more of a stable economy to New Mexico, and with a lot of good ol' boys in that state senate, that might have been hard.... So...........no one will get this but the people who live in Albuquerque or New Mexico, but Good for you Bill Richardson............and toss no mas.

2 more years of growing out my hair

With all the people throwing their hat into the ring, I know for sure we'll end up with someone new in the white house in 2008 (technically 2009). And that is when all this hair-growing will stop (it is a pain by the way). I don't know who I'll vote for, or who I'll listen to the most, but all I know is that it won't be someone with the intials GB. I don't know too much about some of the democratic candidates, are there 5 or 6 now? We all knew Hillary was going for it and Obama too (well I kind of like him). But can it really get any worse?

I've really been upset about politics this past week, and usually I just listen and sigh, and complain like the rest of us, but lately it's been overwhelming, how much disgust I have for the present state of things. The war, the oil, the suffering. And that's not even with in my community, look at what we have going on at home? Education, Jobs, Crime, big business, Environment? It's all a big worry, really.

Each day I try to think about how I can improve what I do on a daily basis, I try to be a positive role model for my students. To try to set an example for both my female and male students (not portraying myself as an object as most of them are taught to see women, even the female students). It's really difficult to see if you have any effect on the minds of these students. It's tough to help them individually realize that they can change now for a better future. They don't realize that they are still able to choose a path or many paths! They think that the path they are on is one that they will stay on. Most of them will repeat the mistakes they've made again and again. Some might even do worse. Some will end up in and out of jail for the rest of their lives.

So is the election the biggest deal in the next 2 years? No, not really, it will make a lot of money for some people, and change a few things, but it probably won't change the lives of the students I teach, or even me, for that matter. What we all do on the smaller scale will. What we do on a daily basis will, how we are, how we see the world now, and what we can do to make it better in our area...wherever that may be.

I think that's my goal. While the bigger stuff in the world bothers me, and I can't tolerate it, I think it's important for me to do what I can with what I got and where I am. Is the Juvenile system working? Not really. Does what I do matter? Yes.

Sounds too much like a hippie talking? Or a bit too peace corps for you? Well, who cares. I'm in a job that I think I'm good at, I have direct contact with kids who for the most part are tossed away by society. They teach me as much as I teach them. And actually the more they know that I'm not intimidated by their lives, choices, or attitudes, the more they open up.

I'm looking forward to seeing a new administration, but I just don't know how much effect it will have on me. It will give me someone new to watch, and listen to. Watch people make jokes about, but will that person and their cabinet of policy makers make us better as a whole? I don't know.

Weekends

ahhhhhhh, it's nice to know I don't really have to do anything if I don't want to. I just could sit and relax. Just not having to drive is a benefit. But I actually do have some work to do. I need to prepare a PowerPoint about Chuck Close and actually formulate a lesson plan for the principal who will be giving me a "formal" evaluation sometime next week. I don't know exactly when, but it could be Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.......... I'm ready, lady, so bring it.

Some of my friends made their way to Thailand this week for a job fair. The problem with all of that is how will I be able to visit them? I know for sure a couple will be in the Philippines, and I already know people in Thailand and China and Singapore. I would love to be able to go visit them next year. But I guess it depends on my situation as well.

I still realize that it is travel that is my obsession. I really am addicted to it. Even when it seems like it's harmful to me, I want to do it. Living in other countries is an adventure like none-other. It's an incredible journey that allows you to soak up the true culture of the region, be it good or bad. I had many bad days in Egypt, but I also had many good ones. And in hindsight it was all worth it. It gives me a broader perspective of the world I live in. I DID learn a lot about myself while I was living in Egypt. I know more now what it truly means to be a flexible and more open person. Which is closer to the person I want to be. Traveling to another country, or even another state puts you in a vulnerable position. You are at the mercy of people who live a certain way, you need to learn, you are the one that needs to be flexible and change your habits to assimilate. Or at least accommodate. And I guess we all do that a little bit each day in our own home or country, but on a different level. A more gentle level.

I often tell my students that you have to try to see other's viewpoints, even if you don't agree with them. You have to try because it will at least teach you something about yourself. It's so hard for them to do that. Being that they are already in a tough position. They protect themselves, and don't really understand why they do it. They live under a blanket of fear, really. So many kids come into the D-home with certain attitudes, and if they're there long enough, you can seem them unwrapping themselves. They reach a comfort level, a certain trust. And then they go, and you hope that they can pull themselves away from their past. But, I know that's not completely realistic. They go back to the same homes, the same way of life, the same school, and the same friends. They don't have the back up or support they need to realize the changes they made when they were in the D-home were worth the time, patience and effort. They fall back into what they were used to.....

Whoa-- sorry that was a tangent.

Ah-- the weekend, it leaves time for the mind to wander and think.

Everything's up to date in KC.........

I just returned from a short trip to KC. A little site-seeing. I went to the Nelson-Atkins Museum, which is actually quite good. It's pretty big and has a variety of stuff. And it's free! I didn't know they had free museums outside of DC! Will I'll be!

Anyway, the goal of my trip was to visualize it as a place I could live happily. And I think it is. It's cheaper, a slower pace. It's friendly and open. Lots of parks. The only problem is the location, but I guess I can get over that. It's about 2 hours away from anywhere I'd want to be in the US.

So I am looking a real estate, and I'm going to see how much I can afford. It's a huge step, and it's really making me nervous to think that I would own a place all by myself.

The one thing I do kind of worry about is a job, a possible business venture, and moving to the middle of the country. HA! Who knew? But I guess one thing is for sure, that I'm really good about surprises, full of them. So full, in fact...

I got an e-mail from a teacher I knew in Egypt. He said they might be hiring for an art teacher at their school..........want to know where? Nepal! I know, it's my dream. I've always wanted to go there, and the school is amazing. So, who knows what will happen now. But if I got to interview for that job and then got hired. Well,. I think you'd have your answer, wouldn't you.

Anyway, 6 more months at my current job, and I can't really complain too much, except for the fact that the drive is horrible. It really makes me feel dead to the world when I get home. There usually is some relief. For instance, I'm staying closer in tomorrow night, and then even next week I will seek solice in some friends. All in all it's going. We have a short week next week. And maybe there will be some snow days here and there. I don't know. At any rate, I have a variety of students at the moment. All levels. That part, I still really really like..

New day, new school?

I will not have anymore one on one meetings with the principal.........so it's been said. How strange is that? Although, I'm ok with that. The less I have to see her, the less I have to worry. 6 months and counting..............

new things

new year = new sketchbook

Hopefully I'll fill it with tons of great ideas and information. Of course it will also act as a lesson plan book, documentation of day-to-day ongoings at work, and many other things. So just because I got a new sketchbook, it doesn't really mean that I will be breaking the old habits of writing things down that really have no bearing on my artwork..... or do they?

hummmmmmmmmm........things to wonder about over the course of the year, I suppose.

So for all those canvases I bought, I have 2 half-done paintings to show for it. At least I was ambitious about trying to do it.

I guess one can hope.

Goodbye 2006

Well, it's been a heck of a year. I started it out by returning to Egypt to complete my last school year in Cairo. I saw Egypt win the African Cup, relaxed on a few well-deserved beach vacations on the Red Sea (Italians included), saw an eclipse, traveled to a distant oasis town called Siwa near the Libyan border, traveled back to the US to try to land a teaching job, experienced sand storms, crazy taxi rides, sold 2 paintings, a beautiful dinner in the desert near the Giza pyramids (in a custom made dress), paid off Egyptian airport workers to load my luggage, layover in Vienna, caught up on Lost, taught summer school, lived with a crazy woman who kept food in her fridge from 2001 ($1200 a month thank you very much), visted Seattle (for a day - sniff-), went to Alaska - the last frontier, began teaching at a juvenile detention center (at least it's an art position), almost moved into my own apartment, but decided to save money and move back home, visited Kansas City (who knew I'd like it?), commuted, stayed at friends houses, ran upwards of 5 miles a day (then stopped because commuting takes it out of you), made tons of christmas cookies, joined a second gym (who does that?), and waited for the new year to come.

I'm sure I've missed some other things. But according to the calendar a new year is coming. It could be an interesting one. I will probably move again. Big news there. But I have a few things in mind that might make the year go by at a nice pace. We'll see what happens, you can only live in the present, and deal with what happens on a day to day basis. Who knows what one can do?

I wish everyone a happy and peaceful new year!

Everything is relatives

Yea, it's that one time a year where my family regroups at the assisted living space where my grandma lives. Everyone comes out of the woodwork to see and catch up on everything family.

It's ok. I mean, it's something you feel compelled to do, because it's the very least you can do. The only problem is, I'm the only one representing my sisters every year. And it get's darn hard to turn on the smiles and say things like," They're doing great, they ran out of vacation leave (or insert another excuse)."

It's interesting to see the family dynamics. Who sits with who. Who doesn't sit with who. Who makes the rounds to everyone. Then there are the words that are exchanged. Yes, my grandmother is extremely traditional when it comes to family. She kind of lets you know who's in the blood line and who's not. This year was no exception," Bless those who are related by blood, and those who have chosen us." I guess I made the cut, because I'm in the blood line. If you're married to one of us...well, sorry for you.

I look up to see who caught wind of that one. And I look over at my cousin, who brought his girlfriend, and I'm thinking...she's a brave one to even set foot in this place. Not only because almost every family member is here, but because she's now "chosen" us. GO-- run for the door.

As if that weren't enough, I got the usual questions: How do you like your job? When are you moving again? Do you have a boyfriend? Where are you going to next? How's commuting? Are you sure you want to move again? or...if you're sitting next to a "chosen" member of the family... it's more like: Is your work doing anything for you? Are you taking it day by day? How's life?

At any rate, we're all family. You can't change that one bit. I had several offers to live in their homes, find a new job. All very nice ideas. I guess that's one think I do like about family. They do look out for you. They want your life to be alright too.

check this out.

Poor middle and upper class kids and their white parents. Nothing like this would ever happen at a low income school:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/10/AR2006121001008.html

What I didn't want for Christmas...

Ouch, I banged my patella straight into the stone ground as I was letting the dogs in from the rainy night. I didn't expect it to still be hurting a day later. I thought maybe a bruise or something. Alas, no bruise. Just pain when anything comes into contact with it.

Break Time

While in other parts of the country it appears that winter has struck, here in the little town where my parents live...not so much. I think it's about 55. More like spring than anything else. It rained all day yesterday, but it's nice and bright today.

Winter break has started for me, and I couldn't be more relieved. Although break didn't come before an amount of strange issues at work.

The first? Well, we were asked to go meet with the director of the D-home. I decided to go up and just share my view that it's a communication problem, but yet it’s a dictatorship down in the school wing.

Number 2. I was observed on the last day of classes. Yes I know, she can come to my classroom whenever she wants... BUT, to observe and give me an informal evaluation? Get real! I guess that's just her loving way to say," Happy Holidays, from your tyrant boss".

Number 3. Decided that I have nothing to lose and I might as well air out the dirty laundry before break. So I talked to the lead teacher (or the tyrant's puppet). I just acknowledged the issues that I was concerned with: slander, intimidation, prejudgment... and communication. The "lead teacher" went straight to the tyrant leader, of course. And on the last day of school (Thursday) I had an impromptu meeting with the tyrant and puppet. So I aired it all out. I told them everything that I was thinking. I was expecting some kind of support, and maybe an apology. I did get an apology for the way she spoke to me last week, but of course she was having a "bad day". The tyrant also lied straight to my face. I reminded her of the fact that she has had way too many discussions with me about past teacher indiscretions (if you know what I mean). And I told her I was offended and it was unnecessary to keep recalling that. She denied it, but I told her I wrote it down, and that I wouldn't bring it up if I weren't affected by it. So whatever. The puppet intervened and well, I just let it go. All it all, I thought I hung in there quite well. The whole meeting just made me realize what a crazy person she actually is. She even was twirling her hair and staring off into space as the meeting progressed. Is this an adult or a student?

Numero quatro. I confirmed a meeting with the tyrant's boss when I get back from break. I will bring my notes, my observations, and everything that I have experienced by being in the presence of the tyrant.

Everyday that I see her I can feel my blood boil. The less I see her, usually the better my day goes. I'm so happy that I'm not even on the school wing, and that I am out on the unit. One of the detention specialists even asked me if I was coming back next year. I said,” I haven't decided yet." And he said,” Well, I hope you do." That was nice to hear, but I don't think so, bro. One way or another I'm in KC or New York!

Ok, well, on to better things. I'm excited about the fact that I will be able to join the YMCA in PA. I really need an outlet with these crazy days just rolling in and out of my life. I miss running so much, and I was doing so well a month a go. Now I have to start over and it's getting cold. So I thought it might be a decent alternative. Oh well. It's good for the soul. That and cooking.

Started a painting last night. It's one of the mazes I've been doing lately. Not sure if I really like what I'm doing right now. I may wipe some of it out and start again.. I do that a lot. I'm a big under painter, I guess you could say. I start out with something on canvas and then usually I end up clearing it off and starting again. Then I keep the next one. I guess it's part of my process... if I have one.

In about a week and 1/2 I'll be out in KC to visit Amy and Travis! YEAH!!! So excited to look at the city again, and really think about it as the place I'm going to be living. I kind of hope so. I never ever thought in a million years I'd be trying to move to exactly in the middle of the country.

That's about all from here for a while. Hopefully I can post some artwork someday soon. That'd be good.

Happy Holidays...........and PEACE!

WOW

I would totally move for this house:

http://www.reeceandnichols.com/Consumer/Listing/ListingDetail.aspx?Search=e88722e4-b0fc-4d1a-85c3-b6a5d6b2fd28&Listing=15592897&ListingType=1

On to what's next

It's Monday. You know what that means? Tomorrow is Tuesday. But that's not all, you see it's a short week for me and I get to start vacation on Thursday evening. That's right! And I'm really happy about that.

I think we all need a break right about now. It's time for no more commuting, only happy thoughts, lovely beverages, and good food. I plan on all of that and more. Even, oh I don't know, paint, perhaps? FINALLY! I'm really looking forward to going through some of my boxes that have been packed up for almost 3 years too. I miss my cappucino machine. I gotta find it. And I can't just keep buying art supplies. I have a ridiculous amount already. (but I think I deserve a new brush or two)

ok....so, that's what's next... Break.

Interesting View

I drive 15 to 270 to 495 frequently... many times a week infact. During those drives, I had never seen what I saw last night coming back from my best friend's house. There's this huge cemetary on the side 15, and last night they had candles at every gravesite. It was an amazing picture. I kind of wished I had my camera. I could see all the flickers of the candles through the trees. There must have been hundreds of them. I decided not to go in and tour, although I saw many cars pulling in and out. Instead I just slowed my car down, and took in the sight for a brief moment. Life comes too fast for most of us to take notice. To turn something such as a cemetary into a beautiful memorium during the winter season is a great offering to those who have passed on.

It's been a long time

I guess I'm trying to figure out what I want to write on this page. There is so much rambling around in my mind, that I'm not sure what I want to put down. I guess the first thing that I always am thinking about is my job. I know by now, that there is no perfect teaching job. For instance, sometimes it's the students. Sometimes it's the administration, sometimes it's both. I think I'm hitting the wall, though. I'm not quite sure how I'll make it through the next six months. This is the first job I've had where I thought I could actually make a difference in the lives of the students I teach. I have small classes, no behavior problems, and they're actually learning. I'm not bored either. I get to know my students, I get to see them everyday.

But the principal. She makes it horrible for me to accomplish that everyday. She is a tyrant. She's not pleasant, she's sarcastic, moody, and filled with hate. She has no life and makes it an intolerable atmosphere.

So I need to be proactive, even though I'm not going to be there next year. I can't let this woman ruin the teachers that are here. So I'm going to talk to her boss. I already talked to her about some of my more diplomatic concerns, but she passed me by. So, I've decided to go up the chain of command.

Only one more week until break. And I think, I can make it.

Catch up

Well, it's been a while since I've posted. There's been a lot going on that I needed to take care of. Some of it has been taken care of, but most of it won't be taken care of until the end of the school year. It's a struggle everyday to get to work. And then it's a struggle to not be in the middle of everyone else's drama when I get to work. Mainly, I try to stay out of the way, and I try to maintain what my job really is... to work with the students. It's the only part of my work day that I like. Which I'm thankfrul for.

This Friday was enjoyable too, I had it off. What was originally a moving day, became a day that I ran errands. But they were fun errands. And I was happy to have the entire day off. Not worrying about whether or not things would be waiting for me at work. Which I'm sure they will be.

Thursday I had to drive all the way down to Fredricksburg to hear a document being read to me. It had nothing to do with me at all. It was a complete waste of time, and all of our students missed a day of education because of it. It wasn't my decision to do it. So I guess that's not my problem.

Anyway, another weekend has come and gone, and there are two weeks left until my good-sized break (but not as good-sized as it was when I was in Egypt). Can't wait for it!

I'm out of practice for writing about things.......so, that's it for now.