Thursday, October 12, 2006

Accomplished grade giver

Yeah, one of those days. Except I actually like the population I work with today. Kids are the least of my worries. It's the bureaucratic paper push. It's school, it's government, and you know what's worse? It's state government. So there seems to be even more red tape to go through.

I don't really want to dwell on it, BUT I am. I feel like I need to come to a point and think about jobs, working and all that kind of stuff. Do I need a job that matters? Do I want my job to matter to me more? OR less? Is a job just a job? Should I love my job or just live for the weekends? I don't know. Because if there is a perfect job out there for me, I don't have it. But then again, I don't know what that perfect job is. Is it painting? I've never really had that job? Is it cooking? Or do I like that too much for me to make that a job... Do I want my passions to be my job or do I want my passions to be what I come home to at the end of the day? I don't know. I seem caught between the worlds. Because part of being a teacher is to give things for kids to grab on to, take it, and run with it. I like when a kid makes a piece of art work and he or she is proud of it. I like when they can figure out how shading works, or how to make something have more depth It's a great feeling to see the lightbulb come on. And it's hard to see that anymore because of where the educational system is going. It's stunting a lot of kids creativity. It's not giving them the option to figure things out on their own. It's more like," Here's the stuff you need to know so we can be a passing school and get our funding." And I hate that. It doesn't let me be the kind of teacher I thought I'd be able to be.

At the same time. I would rather not work with adults. And in almost any other profession it would be with adults. For me, I guess I give kids the benefit of doubt. Maybe I shouldn't do that. But they're not totally their own person yet. They have the ability to change and be influenced, and to change their personality. Not adults. They're stuck, become unreliable, and frustrating people.... Or people who are frustrated...like me. Teachers are a strange breed though.. I realize this. Sometimes common courtesy go out the window.

I don't know. My dream job....I'll have to think about that. I thought it would be teaching abroad. And it wasn't. I enjoyed the travel, and meeting people who wanted to do the same thing as I did, but it wasn't a dream. It was definitely a change though. At that time it wasn't the right fit for many different reasons. It doesn't mean I wouldn't do it again.... It's still a possibility.

Anyway, I keep going. The days do seem to be fast. I do have a lot of individual learning going on in my classes. The kids seem to be really interested. I find myself always getting more information for them. FILL THEIR HEADS!! In past teaching positions it seemed to be very mediocre, very mundane. Right now, the kids are fine. Teaching is fine. Do I want more than fine?

1 comment:

slinky said...

there's always some sort of red tape regardless of the profession. all you can do is do what you love so that the red tape won't bother you as much. unfortunately, doing what you love doesn't always pay very well. but that should not matter if you truly love what you're doing.